Is Being Second So Bad?

Women preparing to be the second wife often feel as though they come in second place. They feel they come in second place after the kids/stepkids or after the ex. I've found there are several ways that people respond to these women who feel they come in second place. First, some women may tell these poor ladies to "get over it", it'll always be that way due to the husbands feelings of guilt for being there for his family.

I entered this marriage not being the first wife and initially, I didn't think anything of it. I had of course been married before so I'd had the opportunity to be the first wife. I'd done all the firsts with my first husband; so why did it seem so hard not being able to do them with my second husband? I had become painfully aware through the course of our dating and the first few months of our marriage; just how much I wanted to be a part of those firsts. I wasn't his first kiss, I didn't go on the first honeymoon with him, I didn't nurse him through his first real illness and I certainly didn't bear him his first child. Does this make me any less important as a wife? Am I less of a wife because I didn't experience all that with my second husband? No, but it does leave one with a sense of loss.

However, as the second wife I have the privilege of experiencing much more now then I did in my first marriage. The second time around, I know what I do and do not want to do to my husband and our marriage. I'm more aware of my own feelings and where they come from. I'm able to face them, discuss them with my husband because if I don't.....I know the consequences each of us will face. Both my husband and I learned all that we did and did not want our marriage to be. This made it much easier for us to decide what would and would not be done in our marriage. We were much wiser going into a marriage the second time around, even with kids in tow....or so we thought...