We All Fall Down.....

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the kings horses

And all the kings men

Couldn't put Humpty back together again

We've  all fallen off a wall. Our walls all have different titles. We go through those devastating moments when we realize our lives aren't what they seem. In that moment we've realized how delusional we were in our assumptions to how things actually  were.  You know what I'm talking about. We think our families are doing well and we are blending better then the experts said we would. Sure, there were some bumps in the road, but we were well on our way. Or were we?

One day, in the blink of an eye, your faced with the realization that things weren't what you'd though. My day came when I went to pick up my biological children from school and I saw my stepson. He was a kindergartener, just like my youngest, and it was the end of the first day. I walked over to him to say hi and see how his day had gone…and nothing. He was with his babysitters boyfriend, someone he'd known his whole life, and someone who was on his mom's "team". The boyfriend had a smirk on his face as he watched me try and get my stepsons attention, and he continuously ignored me. I ruffled his hair, told him I loved him, hoped he'd had a good first day, I'd see him later, and walked away. When I got home; I wept. Death. That was the word that came to my mind as I sat at my husbands desk, cradling my face in my hands and weeping in agony.

The little boy who'd love on me, play with me, and talk my ear off when he was in our home had ignored me completely. I didn't get it. I felt an array of emotions from grief, loss, humiliation, hysteria, to anger. This couldn't be happening to me. We were a family and we were doing so well!

After the fall, the tears dried and the walls went up. No, this humpty dumpty wasn't even going to try and put herself back together again. No more hurt for this Momma, once was enough. Why should I put myself back together just to succumb to such agony again?

But I did. It took some time but I put Humpty Dumpty back together again and I took down the walls. Had I kept the walls up and let the pieces of humpty lay all around; our family would lose it all. I had to take the walls down for the sake of my husband, my stepsons, my children, and myself. My walls had turned into a maze and I felt like I was continuously lost in it trying to find the way to each family member. My walls came down, the maze was gone and acceptance for all the individuals and the roles they play in our family came in. No, the pieces didn't get put back together again overnight. The process took years but it was well worth the time. Don't be fooled into thinking all is perfect in our humble abode because Humpty still loses some pieces here and there but luckily, with the love of and my faith in Christ, those pieces get patched up again.